'

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back she was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.

'
— It’s not that I don’t love you. (via exoticwild)
'
  1. You are stronger than you realise.
  2. You are crueller than you realise.
  3. The smallest words will break your heart.
  4. You will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. You’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. Especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.
  5. People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires.
  6. You won’t like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep.
  7. You’ll forget your email password but ten years from now you’ll still remember the number of steps up to his flat.
  8. You don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.
  9. Never stop yourself texting someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9.30 a.m., tell them again.
  10. Make sure you have a safe place. Whether it’s the kitchen floor or the Travel section of a bookshop, just make sure you have a safe place.
  11. You will be scared of all kinds of things, of spiders and clowns and eating alone, but your biggest fear will be that people will see you the way you see yourself.
  12. Sometimes, looking at someone will be like looking into the sun. Sometimes someone will look at you like you are the sun. Wait for it.
  13. You will learn how to sleep alone, how to avoid the cold corners but still fill a bed.
  14. Always be friends with the broken people. They know how to survive.
  15. You can love someone and hate them, all at once. You can miss them so much you ache but still ignore your phone when they call.
  16. You are good at something, whether it’s making someone laugh or remembering their birthday. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that these things don’t matter.
  17. You will always be hungry for love. Always. Even when someone is asleep next to you you’ll envy the pillow touching their cheek and the sheet hiding their skin.
  18. Loneliness is nothing to do with how many people are around you but how many of them understand you.
  19. People say I love you all the time. Even when they say, ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’ or ‘He’s an asshole.’ Make sure you’re listening.
  20. You will be okay.
  21. You will be okay.
'

21 things my father never told me (via motelstyles)

15 is my life currently.

(via cherrierenee)

preferthemundane:

i’m not the kind of fool 
who’s gonna sit and sing to you
about stars, girl

but last night i looked up into
the dark half of the blue
and they’d gone backwards


Somebody told the stars you’re not coming out tonight
And so they found a place to hide
Reblog and see if you get a color.
PURPLE:
We near never speak, but I do enjoy your presence on my dashboard.

FUCHSIA:
I wish I could become your best friend through the internet.

GREY:
You leave me with jumbled words.

RED:
I'm in love with you.

PINK:
I have a crush on you.

TURQUOISE:
You're hot.

CHARTREUSE:
I sincerely wish you would notice me.

TEAL:
We have quite a lot in common.

BLUE:
You are my Tumblr crush.

ORANGE:
I dislike your page.

YELLOW:
PLEASE FUCK ME.

WHITE:
PLEASE MARRY ME.

GREEN:
I find you cute.

BLACK:
I would date you.

BROWN:
I dislike you.

'So many books, so little time.'
Frank Zappa (via feellng)

#words

(via arcticpvnk)

ashtonkisses:

why do good concert tickets happen to bad people

'Friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who walked into your life, said “I’m here for you” and proved it.'
— (via 400eurojob)